Vincent, Scythe and X's Guide to Christmas Decorating

STEP 1: Choose a Christmas tree.
Vincent: Make sure it's symmetrical.
X: Steal one from a public park. Bonus points if it's already decorated.
Scythe: If you dig up the stump you can use the hole to bury a body too. 
X: That's the Christmas spirit. Reduce, reuse, re-murder.
Vincent: re-murder?
X: Fine. Reduce, reuse, remove the witnesses. Better?

STEP 2: Hang the Christmas lights.
Vincent: Check the wiring and secure all extension cords.
X: More lights. MORE. If the neighbours aren't complaining, you're not finished.
Scythe: Extension cords can also double as a noose the rest of the year. 

STEP 3: Decorate the tree.
Vincent: Space ornaments evenly. Stick to a colour scheme.
X: Knives are shiny. Knives are festive. Knives belong on trees!
Scythe: I prefer to leave mine in people, but each to their own.

STEP 4: Add a tree topper.
Vincent: A traditional star.
Scythe: I've got a head in the freezer that would fit perfectly.
X: A duck wearing a tiny Santa hat. This is non-negotiable.

STEP 5: Hang the stockings.
Vincent: One for each member of the family.
X: One for each duck. The humans can share. 
Scythe: Fuck me, what did the stockings do? Hanging is a pretty severe punishment!
Vincent: You do realize your jokes are why we don’t get invited to Christmas parties?

STEP 6: Create a festive outdoor display.
Vincent: Decorate with tasteful wreaths and warm white lights.
Scythe: Put a life-sized Santa on a chair. With a sign that says HE KNOWS WHAT YOU DID.
X: Whip’s old and gray enough to be a believable Santa if you want to borrow him. 
Scythe: Nash too. Do you think Santa can wear flannel, though? I don’t think Nash owns any other shirts. 

STEP 7: Add the finishing touches.
Vincent: Light a candle and put on some Christmas music.
X: Get a nativity scene but replace baby Jesus with a duck. Nobody'll notice.
Scythe: Mistletoe everywhere. I want people accidentally making out with their own relatives.
Vincent: I have no words.

STEP 8: Welcome your guests.
Scythe: But only let them in if they brought gifts worth more than fifty bucks. 
Vincent: Offer them a drink.
X: Make sure they know Harold bites.